posted by [identity profile] schnaucl.livejournal.com at 02:21am on 14/09/2005
This really is lovely and quite powerful. I love that for once we get to see Don shaken by his brother's peril.

“Yeah, I see it, Charlie. Just trying to figure out if any of it’s yours.”

He knows he sounds annoyed with Charlie for maybe bleeding to death, but panic always makes him irritable and the twilight and the bloody fabric make it impossible to see clearly. Don’s nervous hands can’t seem to feel anything but clammy cloth. With a sound of frustration, he shoves the ruined, sodden t-shirt up, hears Charlie gasp. His brother’s body in the near darkness is pale skin streaked with black, and thin, so thin -- just muscle and bone as if Charlie’s mind leaves him nothing to spare; like it’s burning Charlie up the way Charlie’s skin burns Don’s fingers.


I love that whole section, particularly the last sentence. Such wonderful description!

“Don,” whispered harshly in his ear. “Don, not here. We need to go home.”

I like that reversal too since normally Charlie seems to be the one who doesn't think about where they are.

Charlie is messy hair and bruised lips, glazed eyes and ragged breaths, and there isn’t anyone who wouldn’t guess what they’d been doing.

Absolutely lovely imagery.

job it is to clean the street but whoever it is probably saw them and isn’t that going to keep him awake nights now.


Hee! Yes.

“Do you want me to drive?” Charlie looks at him with eyes that seem a lot clearer than they did a few minutes ago.

Don looks back at him like it should be obvious. “You don’t have a license.”


Wonderful. Don's automatic, well of course Charlie can't drive, it would be illegal reaction despite what he's about to drive them home to do.

Welcome to the special hell, we're so glad you decided to join us!
 
posted by [identity profile] audrarose.livejournal.com at 05:23pm on 17/09/2005
Thank you! You write the most lovely comments! *g*

I hope it made sense that Charlie was able to handle his close call better than Don was -- I think all of his have an innate, subconscious sense of invulnerability when it comes right down to it. We get scared, but the response afterward is, "Of course I'm okay!" Plus, I just love making Don fall apart a little. *bg*


I'm so glad that you enjoyed it! *hugs*
 
posted by [identity profile] schnaucl.livejournal.com at 10:02pm on 17/09/2005
You write the most lovely comments! *g*

Aw, thanks!

I hope it made sense that Charlie was able to handle his close call better than Don was

Oh absolutely. And I do think maybe Charlie's a little bit shocky, too. Don deals with people in danger every day, but it's not very often he deals with civilians he personally knows and cares about being in danger. Especially if he feels responsible for putting him there.

My only experience with being in danger has to do with my health, but from that experience I think it's normal to really want to reassure the people who are worried about you and to act like you aren't as bothered by it as as you are.

Plus, I just love making Don fall apart a little. *bg*

Oh I am all for that! Don needs to have his tight control broken every once in a while. It's for for him and fun for me

I'm so glad that you enjoyed it! *hugs*

I really did; I'm so glad you wrote it! *hugs*

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